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My Inquiry:

Elan East,

I drove by earlier today and I really like your establishment. The amenities there are wonderful as are the tenants. But I feel that the rent is a little high. And when two potential business associates don’t initially see eye to eye on a transaction, they need to negotiate. I learned that in business school. I am willing to give you 200 a month, a 25% ownership in my toddler clothing line, seventeen fake Rolex watches, and the secret to success. The clothing line alone is worth some thousands of dollars. The Rolexes you can sell for dollars on the penny. I know that you are thinking that this sounds too good to be true. But this arrangement has some stipulations. It ensures that I can have very large pets in the building, a butchery installed in the kitchen to supplement my other income from the clothing line (which you now have stock in), and that you will supply various neighbors to babysit my two children at least four nights a week, so that I can go out and find a wife to start babysitting them. Once you do the math on this you will find that it is great economic decision. All in all, I don’t see how someone in your position can afford to pass up a deal like this. Let us help each other help each other.

Your loving prospective renter,

Rick Cabrera

Their response:

Rick,

I’m so glad to hear you are interested in our property, however unfortunately we cannot take anything less than the market rent. If you would like to schedule for a tour please let me know. We look forward to hearing from you.

Taylor Castello | Leasing Professional | Elan East | elaneast@greystar.com
2900 Manor Road | Austin, TX 78722
Phone 512.524.2900

My response:

Dear Taylor,

I am very interested in your property, but like I previously stated, the rent is quite high for the area. My dedication to live at Elan East has forced me to consider a few other options concerning rent. I am willing to go up to four hundred dollars, as well as give up the large pets. The butchery and babysitting must remain on the table. Furthermore, I am competent in animal control, which I know that you need, as, while I was overviewing the site, I saw through one window that a tenant had a boa constrictor in a cage. If it were to get loose, it could swallow the child in the apartment adjacent to it. That should take another 100 dollars off of the rent. I also have a certification in nursing, which means that I can help my fellow tenants when they need medical care. I have not worked in a hospital for years, due to some irresponsibility on my part, but i assure you that I have changed my ways. I have a defribillator and an intravenous pyelograph for early detection of a variety of diseases. We could set this up in the recreational facility for consistent checkups. So now we are back to two hundred dollars. I will be willing to pay extra to live next door to the girls in apt. 316, as they seem very friendly. I am glad that you are considering my services in lieu of rent fees. I have been wishing to move to Elan East for a long while now.

Best regards,

Rick Cabrera

Their response:

Rick,

I would like a chance to tour you around our property to show you the worth of what you will be paying. If you have time please let me know what time would work best for you. I look forward to speaking with you.

Taylor Castello | Leasing Professional | Elan East | elaneast@greystar.com
2900 Manor Road | Austin, TX 78722
Phone 512.524.2900

 

My Response:
Taylor,

I spoke with you about a week or so ago. Since then I have looked at other complexes, that have been willing to negotiate the rent, but I still am too fond of Elan East, excepting the price. So I guess you could say this is my final offer. I will pay the four hundred that we agreed to. On top of this, I will provide 1) pest control services–I have never done this professionally but I have been in the room while it has occurred. This would regularly be very expensive, so it is a great deal you are getting. All the required stuff to do this I can find at Home Depot. This takes about 200 off of the rent. 2) I will begin a vegetable garden in the open space in the center of the complex, for anyone to pick from. I have done this before and the vegetables were exquisite. This should remove one hundred dollars from the rent. I will provide the seeds. So now we are at seven hundred dollars. 3) I will DJ at any of the apartment recreational functions. I have a collection of records from the 40’s and 50’s that are really retro and hip. I usually charge about 300 dollars a party, but I will lower it to two hundred for the Elan East, because it is a special place in my opinion. 4) Lastly, I will set up my food cart truck by the front office in the morning so people can get a quick breakfast before work. I do not work in it myself (I am a business man), but I have hired some local teens from the 45th avenue runaway shelter to serve. They will be sleeping on my couch. This service is hard to value. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, my grandmother always used to say. So i believe that that covers it. The rent should be taken care of with these services and Elan East will gain a valuable tenant who cares about where they live. Thanks for your generosity and receptive attitude.

Regards,

Rick Cabrera

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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