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My Inquiry:

Dear San Antonio Big Dawgs,

I have an issue with my dog that urgently needs to be resolved. Please email me back as soon as possible. Thank you.

Regards,

Rick Cabrera

Their Response:

Contact me after 10am

Kevin G.
(210)204-3176
SABD.org

🐶 Sent from my iPaw 🐾

My Response:

Hello Kevin,

I hear that you are an accomplished dog trainer and am confident and excited that you will be able to resolve the problems I have with my pet. I believe that I need the help of a bilingual dog trainer, like that Cesar Milan guy on the television. I got the dog from a shelter for my young daughter’s birthday. She loves him very much so returning him is not an option. When I picked him up, his name was ‘”Pero” or something, which I promptly changed to Henry, the name of my maternal grandfather.

I am beginning to think that the dog only responds to Spanish commands. I have tried to translate the few commands I know between the two languages, repeating “escucheme,” followed by “listen up” but he doesn’t seem to understand the translation. I don’t know many Spanish words, so I hired a man standing outside of Home Depot to help, but he didn’t understand the task that I had hired him for and just wanted to mow my lawn and drink lemonade. The dog is lazy and likes roaming outside in the heat, so I am assuming his previous owner was a migrant worker of some sort. Yet inside, he refuses to sit on the couch and keep quiet, like my wife and children. I missed most of the Game of Thrones finale due to his insubordination. I need the dog to be able to respond to English commands and am willing to pay any price to have this problem solved. My daughter loves the dog very much, and I don’t want to have to replace him with another. Given your credentials, I know that your expertise will be invaluable. Please email me as soon as possible. Thank you very much for your help.

Regards,

Rick Cabrera

Their Response:

Hello Rick, thank you for your email. Si, yo hablo espanol y japones tambien.

I’d like to speak with you verbally and together I think we can resolve your dog training issues.

Kevin G.
(210)204-3176
SABD.org

🐶 Sent from my iPaw 🐾

My Response:

Kevin,

Thank you for your expedient response. I new that you were the one to get in contact with. I will be getting my phone service resumed soon (one or two days, I was told), and will definitely call you to discuss this. I dropped my new iphone and now it only does nothing. As for the dog training, how exactly does the process work? And should we merely teach him English commands or try to deprogram the Spanish out of him? Even his barks sound like they are in Spanish. I do not know Spanish myself so speaking to him in Spanish is an impossibility. But then again, if I do one day decide to sell him to a Mexican family, they will be able to command him in their native tongue. The same goes for Japanese, if Google translated your email correctly. This means the dog will be trilingual, which sounds impressive, especially due to the fact that I know only one language. But then the dog will effectively be linguistically smarter than me and my family, which does itch my ego a bit. It might be best to make him unlearn the Spanish through negative conditioning, like speaking Spanish, letting him respond, and then hitting him. Is this how the process works? He is very small and would not be able to take much of our assaults. And I don’t know if I want my dog abused, because then he will be scared to respond to any commands. My daughter already treats him badly as it is. But then again, he needs to fear his master if he is to be a good dog. I am not interested in his self-sufficiency, but rather his ability to listen to and do what I tell him to. This is all very interesting. I would like to train him to do tricks, so that my friends will be impressed. I will give you the credit for this and they might be motivated to take their dogs to you as well. But that is problematic as well. My dog needs to be better at tricks than their dogs, and if you teach their dogs to do tricks, they might outdo my dog, which I cannot have happen. This is all very confusing. I wanted to be a dog trainer when I was young, but went into real estate instead. I still would like to train dogs, it seems so interesting. Do you train people how to train dogs as well? Do you have to go to school for it? I don’t have the time for more schooling, but maybe I could watch you at work. You seem really adept at your job. I am very excited to work with you and to have a well-behaved dog. Thank you so very much for your help.

Regards,

Rick Cabrera

Their Response:

Hello Rick,

By day I’m an accountant; unfortunately i’m in the midst of a chaotic end of quarter. With that said, I don’t have time to type all that needs to be done in order to achieve the results you are seeking. If you prefer to do this right, it is imperative you contact me via phone to resolve your dog training issues.

Call at your convenience, I’m not going anywhere. We can discuss all your training questions when you call.

Getting back to work.

Regards,
Kevin G.
(210)204-3176
SABD.orgh

🐶 Sent from my iPaw 🐾

My Response:

Kevin,

Wow. An accountant and a dog trainer. You must be a really busy man. I thought about becoming an accountant in university, but I am really bad at math. I hired a math tutor but we ended up dating and thought it was unethical to continue the tutoring. We were married for a few years but then I stopped liking her and decided it was time to end it. She eventually became an accountant. These little coincidences are so funny. I don’t have the time to go back to school to become an accountant, but maybe I could buy an accounting certificate online, and then advertise and then do accounting. I am really not very good at my real estate job, so this seems like a great idea. I am glad you helped me to think of it. The power of suggestion makes the world go round. I think Tony Robbins said that once. I’ve made up my mind, I am becoming an accountant. Is it interesting or confusing? My dad once had an accountant who became distressed and left the United States for France. His name was Charles Newman. You might have known him. But I don’t think I’d become distressed as an accountant. You make a lot of money and deal with other people’s money. Money all around. You must make a lot of money. The dog training is probably just a passion project, I bet. Once you train me how to train dogs, I believe that I will take a similar route, an accountant by day and a dog trainer by night. Thank you for help with everything. You are motivating and an inspiration. Speak to you soon. Thanks.

Regards,

Rick Cabrera

 

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