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Their inquiry:

I saw your flyer at the Rio Grande Campus. I would like more information about your services. What subjects do you specialize in.
Thanks

Sent from my iPhone

 

 

 

My response:

Hi,

I can help in the composition of anything under the heading of “writing and/or research” As the flyer shows, I have a Ph.D in rhetoric and communications, which requires training in just about every type of research (discourse studies). I have studied and taught in fields as diverse as history, economics, the neurosciences, etc. I can produce results. If you don’t get an A, you don’t pay. That’s the slogan and I stick by it. I Look foward to hearing from you soon.

Rick Cabrera, Ph.D

 

 

Their response:

Sounds great. Can you provide me with a phone number so we can get started?
Thanks

Sent from my iPhone

 

 

My response:

Hi,

After doing this for years, I’ve found that prepping is the most effective strategy for success. This emphasis is one of the reasons my services stand out from the rest of those “tutorial” companies. Send me the prompt or prerequisite information to determine how much and what kind of work needs to be done. Thanks.

Rick Cabrera, Ph.D

 

 

Their response:

I’m writing my transfer essays to UT. A, C and E. http://bealonghorn.utexas.edu/transfer/admission/essays. Alternatively, you may be able to help me prepare for my microeconomics test.

Thanks

Sent from my iPhone

 

 

 

My response:

Hi,

Which essay would you prefer to have written? I might need to know some details that you’d like me to include. Or would you rather me give you a guideline for what works in these essays? We did a research study when I was getting my Ph.D on how these essays are read by the ” commitee, ” on what works and what doesn’t. Stock sob-stories seem to be ineffective because they are expected. There are better ways to compose that tells a story worth paying attention to. I’ll write up a draft if you’d like. And how would you like me to help you prepare for your microeconomics exam? I cannot take it for you, because I don’t think this old man would pass for a young student in the smaller classrooms they have at ACC. Just let me know what you need, and we will figure something out,

Rick Cabrera Ph.D

 

 

Their response:

I don’t want you to write my essays or take my tests for me. If that’s all you do I am not interested. If you are a tutor, provide your number and we can see if we can work together. I don’t have time to email. Phone Is efficient.
Thanks

Sent from my iPhone

 

 

 

My Admissions Essay:

Hi,

O.K. I’ve already finshed your essay and gave it to a friend who runs the admissions committee at UT (I used to teach there). I think he likes it. YOU ARE GOLDEN, my friend.

UT Admissions Commitee,

My name is cairo.denagelis@g.austin.cc.edu. I am applying for the fall semester and look foward to attending your fine institution. A little about myself: I am a transgender male/female from Uganda who has a penchant for walks on the beach, magic mushrooms, and Tony Robbins seminars. I was born under harsh conditions, both physical and emotional. I am a child of incest rape, yet have a great relationship with my father-grand pop. He’s really a nice guy, when you get past all the fondeling and bad breath. To get out of my native environment I had to take a raft towards Charlestown, South Carolina, where I was put to work on a farm, milking cows and worshiping Jesus, apparently one of your prophets of doom. Through the magic of dance, I made enough Bitcoin, which was the workers’ primary form of currency, to buy my freedom and make my way to Austin, where liberals reign and my gender would be accepted. When I arrived, I bought a pit bull and started training him to fight. I used time-honored techniques to get him in fighting shape, such as starvation,waterboarding, emasculation, and anabolic steroids. Before he was killed by another dog, a Rottweiler, an unfare fight in my opinion, he made me enough money to invest in a startup company called Amazon.com, where I am now CEO. After making my fortune, I began a charity for Ugandan transgender who are products of inter-family love making. It was a smash hit, and gave me diplomatic power, which I used to build a chain of Arby’s all across my native land. Ugandans love roast beef sandwiches dipped in ranch dressing. And I did this all from my IPhone 4s, which as you know, is an inferior model compared with today’s technology. They probably have an app which will do all this for you nowadays. If not, I plan to make one with my UT Computer Science degree. I hope you will take these factors into consideration when you review my application.

You see. This is a way more compelling story than the one you probably had prepared. After rethinking everything, I am willing to take your microeconomics test for you. I am brushing up as we speak. Thanks.

Rick Cabrera, Ph.D

 

 

 

Their response:

Good luck with your tutoring. I am showing this email correspondence to ACC staff. I doubt you will get any business at ACC.

 

 

 

My response:

Hi,

I beg to differ. I think that is a great marketing plan. I’m sorry you are unsatisfied with the result, and you didn’t specify in the early emails that you didn’t want the essay written. I sincerely hope that they don’t accuse you of trying to cheat. When I was teaching at Cornell, no outside help was permitted, which is why they have on-campus tutoring. But feel free to show it to them. And sorry to say so, if you need help with (or even care about) your admissions essays, it is unlikely that you will get into UT without my help. They rarely read those things, and care more about grades. And if you haven’t make the cut yet, you probably won’t this time around. Payment to me might be required for the essay. It was compelling. And good luck on your microeconomics test. I’m sure you’ll do fine, it’s only ACC. Just keep me updated and have a nice day. Thanks.

Rick Cabrera, Ph.D

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